Eugenia Sigalou

I have been working primarily as a dancer, mostly in dance-theatre as well as teaching creative dance for children. I wanted t follow the lab because I am really interested in choreography but I am afraid of 'it' and I wanted to face this fear.  I wanted to  tackle choreography as I think it helps me be a more complete performer/dancer.  This is something that I would like to try, to see if I can do something more  choreographically, to trust myself as a creative artist not just performing.  For me this is about self-knowledge, to meet myself, it is a way to think, to 'problematise' my life, if I am really interested in going deeper into fundamental questions.  

ABOUT MY RESEARCH

Since I begun this choreolab workshop, I started to write many thoughts,feelings and have a dialogue with myself. It’s difficult for me to describe all these tasks in English. So, I’ ll be more spesific, talking about my origin, which is connecting with all my worries and my personal research of  this time.  During the lab I had an ankle injury that prevented me from moving.  I decided that rather than avoid the injury I would begin the process 'in it'.  While I was trying to 'use'/'accept' my injury I began to think about this injury may be connected to my 'needs' to go further, to take a new step.  The injury became the task that  is guiding the project.   During all this a guy asked me why I was in pain....after a while he told me that many injuries, particularly ankle injuries, happen when you have completed a cycle in your life and you want to do the next step, but for some reason you cant, you are afraid of 'the next'...  This conversation 'certified' my research.  

14.01.11

FLUIDITY:  I live in a world that is fluid, where everything changes in every passing moment. You can't be sure of anything. Not even for yourself. I'm fluid too. My mood changes all the time. The bad thing is, that the moments of joy, relief, relaxation last much less than those of unrest and psychological tension. (According to Freud,  happiness depends on the rhythm of the changes of mood. The more often one's mood changes from down to up and vice versa, the happier he is).


Yesterday I met a man who was 33 years old, who told me he was psychotic. This means, in very simplistic words and as far as I understood, that he's listening to voices, he lives and communicates with three other selves other than his own. Moreover, these voices have the ability to foretell things that will happen to him. Something like an Oracle! I discussed with interest about all these, but then I got scared a little; I didn't want to continue the conversation.

15.01.11

I wonder about the question "How are you?". Indeed, how am I, am I OK, how am I doing, how do I do, how's life going, what's up...? Questions which I don't know if they should be asked in the frequency they're asked. Through the window of my room I see the apartment-blocks. The sunlight falls blinding on them. A cypress tree in the middle is the only shield or obstacle. It depends how you look at the glass. We say: I see, I feel, I do, and is that "I" an obstacle to our "light", while sometimes it should act as a shield? I don't know when to use it this way and when the other way. I presume that when I find that out, then psychotherapy will finish.

17.01.11

I'm here where I'm afraid; where I wake up and I'm afraid of something and I can't say what exactly... Or rather, maybe I know; a big question rises inside me: am I doing things right? Do I take risks, am I as active as I should be, do I work as much as I should, do I let time go by and at some point I'm going to turn back and say: I didn't use my time as much and in the way I could have? This feeling of this huge question-mark becomes at times unbearable. Then, the only answer that my self can give me ("I" is one thing, the "self" is another) is: Do, don't wonder that much, just do! That's why I'm getting out of bed and God help me!

18.01.11

I consciously press [apply pressure] and what I press acquires meaning. The movement doesn't come up because of thought. but because of the pressure of the limbs on the floor. The same happens with the contact with the other body. When, truly, the two bodies are touching, then you feel the "touch". You also feel that you're not separated from the other; a complex is created. I wonder, though, is that how you can generate movement? In no matter what way, the center is ACTIVE!

20.01.11

About the solo: "The hand"  Why only in this way? There are so many, yet I don't move away from what's usual. One-sidedness! We will see all from the same perspective, we'll do all in the same way we're used to, even if there's another way, which is easier.


An image comes to my mind: an old woman and a young one in the same portrait. How much would I want to be able to see the picture with its double face! Things work, but harder. How can we open them and make them faster? Easier?

22.01.11

I'm sitting down. It's Saturday and I decided to stay in. I don't know if in doing so I'm losing any once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, but I want to believe that in that case the opportunity would be chasing me anyway. I've also turned the TV on but, as usual, it's no gain either if it's on or off.
It's a nice thing to spend your time feeling creative. There's a harmony. But, when you can't find it, what do you do? Is there only one way that leads to this internal peace and harmony? In theory, no. In practice however, I function always in the same way. And I think that happens not because i haven't discovered more ways (to be free) but because I miss, first of all, the ACCEPTANCE either if I'm OK or not. I want to accept my self no matter how she is!

24.01.11

It's dawn... It's a nice thing to lie in bed, feeling full after a beautiful day, where you stood your ground, achieved your goals, avoided all the things you wanted to avoid but it seemed difficult or even impossible to avoid. But you made it!  And what does that mean? Wouldn't the most important goal in your day, in your week, in your life in general be to accept yourself, whatever you do, however you are? It's nice to be relaxed...! Thoughts around the questions/issues posed to us by John-Paul [Zacarrini] in his workshop.

26.01.11

The first thing/element I think that it would really help if I "threw out of" my dance, is narcissism 
need to prove to others that I'm good at what I do. It looks like I'm going through a continuous test, and quite often that is!!! I guess I'm not yet on friendly terms with my self about many things, even about my looks. What I get from outside confirm this fact. :-( Until when???
Nevertheless, these are just a psychological factor and, when you mess with them, you can't find an end to it. It's happened in many performances though, these thoughts to block the simple and easy transition from one moving motif to the other or from one (psychosomatic) state to the next.


It takes TRUST, in order to release into what the moment of on-stage reality imposes.

IMPOSSIBLE TASK (John Paul Zacarrini's workshop)

Στους δύο τρίτος δεν χωρεί [Editorial note: Eugenia uses a greek saying that is translated roughly as "when there are two, there's no room for a third one", which is usually said as to  emphasise the strong bonds of a couple or two friends].


Three people on stage: when two of them try to create a couple, the third one comes and pushes them apart. In the final level, everybody want someone, who doesn't want them, and they're wanted by someone else whom they don't want.


PS: It was very hard for me to find an impossible task and I don't know if this one could work. I might be convinced if I tried it...

ANOTHER DAY: 27.01.11

How can we use all these motional experiences, which we had through the exercises, in order to "shape" something, so that we can share it with others (for them to see). We may get new ideas, but when we're about to create, we have our on personal freedom. We don't act as "good students"!


-Life demands "philosophy". Of course, nothing of all these is registered, but the tendency [urge], that leads you to freer paths, to a more efficient everyday life, does matter. And that urge doesn't come out unless you cultivate your philosophical exploration[search].

AND FROM THESE TO..

My piece is about a woman, who has all the opportunities to do a shift in her life, a new step, although, she doesn’t. She’s 30 years old, she has her own personality, she has  experiences, habits (she is not the little girl that she used to be and sometimes still wants it even now.. ). Thirties?  It’s time for you to have a feed back in what you have done till now. It’s time for you to make new decisions, to have a new task about your personal, social and professional  life. Oh! How difficult, even stressed are all these. (Πόσο δύσκολα και αγχωτικά ώρες ώρες «ηχούν» όλα αυτά στο υποσεινήδητό της!). Many fears, habits, procrastinations don’t leave her to go on ,to decide new creative things, to understand, at least, that she’s a “full” woman. She wishes to win the scary thoughts, believe in herself and do this creative step..I don’t know what comes next..  

WHILE I'M TRYING TO CHOREOGRAPHY(9/3/2011)

Yesterday, I understood that, while you 're choreographing, you have to insist on your origin. It's easy for me to forget the point; that's why I have to remind myself of  the task..It might be difficult, although this difficulty helps you to go further and deeper..

                                                         THOUGHTS(12/3/2011)

We live in a world,where everything changes.Sometimes,nature reminds us that we can't control our life.So,there is no reason for us to think all the time, to try to have everything in control.

I don't know,clearly,why I'm writing about control.The thing is that I was shocked with the earthquake and the "tsunami"yesterday.


I wonder how important is my task, the research about my new "life step" when people around me have to face distructions,death,injuries,loses and all the hard results of this situation..

31/3/2011

Today,I realised one more thing: The most important thing,even from your subject, is the decision.You have to make a decision.The decision is going to guide you in your deep need.

In your life, generally..

6/4/2011

Η ώρα έφτασε.Όταν πρωτοξεκίνησε το σεμινάριο,αναρωτιόμουν:Θα τα καταφέρω; Θα μπορέσω να βρω ένα θέμα,μια ιδέα να τα φέρω εις πέρας;Βήμα-βήμα διαπίστωσα,τελικά,ότι όλα γίνονται.Κατάλαβα ότι όλα θέλουν το χρόνο τους,αρκεί να είσαι παρών,να καταλαβαίνεις τα μικρά και τα μεγάλα που συμβαίνουν μέσα σου,τις αλλαγές,τις σκέψεις..Θέλουμε "χώρο",χρόνο,ελευθερία,για να μπορέσουμε ν' αφουγκραστούμε τα όσα μας συμβαίνουν.Άλλωστε κάθετί, με το οποίο καταπιανόμαστε, θυμίζει το ταξίδι της ζωής.Πώς θα το απολαύσουμε,θα μάθουμε απ' αυτό,αν δεν περάσουμε από όλα τα στάδια;

Σεβασμό στο χωρο-χρόνο μας..Σεβασμό στη ζωή..

                                                                                                                                                   5/5/2011
Καλησπέρα και πάλι και Χρόνια Πολλά!!
Έχει περάσει ένας μήνας.Επέστρεψα στη σελίδα μου να ρίξω μια μικρή ματιά σε όλα όσα έχουν γραφτεί,να θυμηθώ όλα όσα έχουν συμβεί.Τί ομοιότητες ή διαφορές διακρίνω μετά από ένα μήνα,σε τί νιώθω πιο "πλούσια" ή πιο ώριμη από πριν.Η απόσταση,νομίζω, βοηθά να διακρίνεις καλύτερα τ'αποτελέσματα μιας "δοκιμασίας",στην προκειμένη περίπτωση ενός τρίμηνου σεμιναρίου χορογραφίας.
Καταρχήν,το σεμινάριο αυτό δεν ήταν μόνο μια σειρά μαθημάτων αρχών και τεχνικών "Πώς να χορογραφεί κανείς".Ήταν σημαντική αφορμή να έρθω πρώτα απ'όλα αντιμέτωπη με προσωπικές αγωνίες και ερωτήματα,όπως πόσο δημιουργική είμαι στην καθημερινότητά μου,πόσο με απασχολούν ζητήματα που σχετίζονται με την καλλιτεχνική-πνευματική μου ωρίμανση και πόσο χρόνο αφιερώνω σ'αυτά,σε σχέση με άλλα ευτελή,που καταλαμβάνουν αρκετό χώρο στη ζωή μου.Επιπλέον,είχα την ευκαιρία να σχετιστώ με άλλους ενδιαφέροντες καλλιτέχνες,να μοιραστώ μαζί τους τις σκέψεις μου,να μάθω απ'αυτούς καινούριους και διαφορετικούς τρόπους προσέγγισης σε θέματα που με απασχολούν,καλλιτεχνικά και χορογραφικά.
Για κάποιο λόγο,αυτούς τους τρεις μήνες "μελέτης" παρατήρησα ότι ήμουν πιο ευαίσθητος δέκτης μες στην καθημερινότητά μου,σ'αυτά που έβλεπα και άκουγα,κυρίως.Είχα,επίσης,ανάγκη να γράφω τους προβληματισμούς μου(που ομολογώ συχνά ήταν φιλοσοφικοί) και τα συναισθήματά μου,κάτι που είχε χρόνια να μου συμβεί.Η αλήθεια είναι πως την πρώτη φορά ζητήθηκε από την Anna να αποτυπώσουμε γραπτώς κάποιες πρώτες σκέψεις.Κατόπιν αυτού,όμως,γεννήθηκε μια προσωπική ανάγκη..Συχνά ξυπνούσα το πρωί και αυθόρμητα έγραφα..Μάλλον η ιδέα του στόχου..Κάτι έψαχνα να βρω.. 

29/6/1980
Τα πράγματα είναι ρευστά κι απρόβλεπτα.Η τέχνη μοιάζει πολυτέλεια.Από την άλλη,είναι το μόνο που μας έχει απομείνει,για να ανακουφίσουμε λίγο τον πόνο της μοναξιάς,να διασκεδάσουμε το φόβο του κενού,να εκτονώσουμε όλη αυτήν την ένταση που φέρουμε από τα "επεισόδια" των μέσα και των έξω μας..Δεν έχω να πω πολλά..Πριν από λίγο καιρό ένιωθα ότι έχουν βρει τη θέση τους κάποια πράγματα μέσα τους.Τώρα δε νιώθω το ίδιο.Πού είναι η βάση μου,πού είναι το σθένος μου,η δύναμή μου;